The hardest people to lead are not your boss and not your team.

It’s your peers.

Most leadership training teaches us how to manage down.
But the real work of leadership happens sideways.

Over time I’ve come to believe every leader actually has two jobs.

The first is the one on the org chart — running your function and delivering results.

The second is being a member of a leadership team responsible for achieving the goals of the enterprise.

That second job requires something many leaders were never taught:

Influencing peers.

And the first rule is simple.

Peers is always about “we.”

The moment the conversation becomes my department vs. your department, everyone loses.

The real question becomes:

What outcome are we both trying to achieve?

In negotiation terms, it’s aligning around shared interests, not arguing over positions.

There’s another trap.

Many leaders try to solve peer issues in staff meetings or operational reviews.

That’s usually the worst place to do it.

I often tell clients:

Relationships with peers are built in a canoe, not on a cruise ship.

A canoe is small and personal.
A cruise ship has an agenda and an audience.

Trust gets built in the canoe.

And when trust exists, the hard conversations in the conference room get much easier.